You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
