yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
should my penis look like a turkey
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize