I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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