some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
