Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
