no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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