i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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