Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
