Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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