I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
