He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
