just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
