I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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