So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
