Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
