I'm so fucking centered right now
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
