just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize