we have pet lesbian snakes
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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