on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
