okay pat passed out under dana's car
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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