rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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