It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
