last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
