my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are we still banned from the library?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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