Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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