Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
