After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
