Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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