WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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