I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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