In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
too bad you live with your parents still
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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