I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
