i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
