did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
