he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
