awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
