No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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