the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You made out with two different species that night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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