no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i would punch a child for taco bell
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
