Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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