Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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