Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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