after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the day after is always just damage control
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
