if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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