I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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