Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
