Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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