I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
