I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
