So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
