have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize