I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
