I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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