I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
