the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
