hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
