bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
