The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you never un-have a 4some
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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