When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
