my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
