Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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