My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
FUCK WHALES
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
