You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel great
I just peed on a car
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
