Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
