tell your sister to shave her snatch
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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