I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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