The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
