like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
