Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
