his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
